Underdog Monologues
by The 13th Faerie
Summary: Misrepresented characters in Twilight speak about their portrayal. Includes Mike Newton, Leah Clearwater, Tanya, and Jessica. Sort of anti-Twilight, in a way.
1. Chapter 1

-1You know when you have a thought in your head but can't quite acknowledge it? It's always there, like something you need to remember, but can't until it's too late? Yeah, that's how I feel about Cullen and Bella. Is there anything wrong with liking a girl? No, it's part of life. Is there anything wrong with persistence? Maybe I should have taken a hint, but I just had a lot of hope that Bella and I would be together. That's a laugh, huh?

There was nothing wrong with me being attracted to Bella. I'm a teenage boy and I was attracted to a girl. Where's the harm in that? Oh yeah, I forgot. I'm not Edward Cullen. I don't have inhumane beauty, a superiority complex, and I'm not anti-social. I'm perfectly friendly, smart, I might be a little too eager sometimes, but that's not too bad, is it? Why wouldn't a girl want to date me? Oh yeah, because I'm not Edward Cullen. What is it with girls liking guys who are assholes? Do they honestly think they can change them? Unless the guy wants to change, he won't. Why would he- he's getting a bunch of girls.

I'm glad I moved on from Bella. You know what? I'm a teenage boy, and I had a crush. I moved on and I'm in a perfectly happy relationship with Jessica. I wish I'd noticed her earlier, but I was too busy drooling over Bella. I can't believe it. Sure Jessica has a tendency to gossip, but she's great to talk to, a good friend, and she likes me. Jessica actually appreciates nice guys, unlike some ungrateful brat.

People have called me a lot of things, such as a rapist. I would NEVER rape anyone! Yeah, I had a crush on Bella, but I wasn't obsessed! Sheesh! Why the hell would I rape her? But no, I'm not Edward Cullen, therefore I'm a bad guy. Let's get a few things straight. Asking a girl out numerous times does not mean you're going to rape her. My entire life didn't revolve around Bella. I had to help my mom in the store, see my friends, do homework- my life didn't revolve around one girl. When did I ever make Bella feel uncomfortable? Huh? Did I ever glare at her, or drag her somewhere against her will? Did I shoot down her opinions, or ignore her one day then act all buddy-buddy the next? Did I? No, I was perfectly nice to her, and that's how I'm represented: as a rapist. I swear people have no taste in relationships anymore. If they want the jackass, go right ahead.

I can't believe I was compared to a puppy! A puppy! No wait, it was like a golden retriever. I'm nice to a girl and I'm compared to a puppy? What the hell? What's wrong with being helpful? Everyone's always on your case to help others, and when you do, you're compared to a puppy. People these days have no chivalry and are a bunch of hypocrites.

There was a time I was jealous of Edward Cullen. All the girls wanted him and he could do whatever he wanted and girls would still love him. If I looked down my nose at people like Cullen did, I'd get labeled as a jerk. But Edward Cullen is gorgeous, so it's okay. It's too bad I wasn't born with the gift of hotness, it would've come in handy. Edward was everything I wasn't, but I'm okay with that now. Sure, lots of girls like Edward, but how long do you think the relationship will last? Oh yeah, I forgot, he's too good to date the likes of us lowly students. Jessica and I have a very strong relationship. Sure, Jessica had a crush on me, but we made it work. We talked and Jessica and I were already friends, so it worked. Now I can't remember what I ever saw in Bella. I can't believe that I wasted so much of my time on a girl who was obsessed with a jerk and wouldn't give me the time of day. I know better now. Girls will go through a stage where they want the bad boy and won't notice the nice guy that's right there. It'll pass, and when the bad boy dumps them, they'll be right there.


	2. Leah

-1It's been a while since I've read the books, so Leah may be OOC. Sorry.

Question. You're in love with your boyfriend, but he dumps you for your cousin, thanks to some stupid werewolf gene. Your cousin rightfully tells the guy to drop dead, and he permanently scars her. Your cousin feels bad, and all of a sudden is in a happy relationship with the guy with rainbows and butterflies. You turn into a werewolf, inadvertently causing your father to die of a heart attack. You can hear everyone thinking you're a bitter harpy thanks to some mind link, and hear the stuff your boyfriend told you being told to your cousin. You have to risk your life to save some girl you don't even like, who got herself into a situation thanks to her own stupidity. Don't you have the right to be upset? Not if you're Leah Clearwater.

Everyone calls me a bitter harpy. So I'm just supposed to be perfectly fine my cousin is dating my boyfriend after he slashed her for rejecting him? Oh yeah, I forgot, it's true love. Who am I to question it? What really pisses me off is that Emily felt sorry for Sam. Wrong emotion, Emily- try fear. If a guy slashes your freaking face, get the hell out of there. You owe him nothing. We've been cousins forever, but I wasn't dating Sam my whole life. Where's your sense of family loyalty? Huh? Girl code distinctly says that no guy is worth ruining your friendship over. Do you know what it's like listening to Sam going on and on about Emily being his one true love? Well, the werewolves would because of the mind link, but they weren't in love with him, were they? It hurts watching the perfect household your cousin has and knowing that could have been you. Okay, I wouldn't have cooked for a bunch of guys, but still. But I have no right to be angry. Jacob, on the other hand, gets sympathy when he whines about Swan. Hello? He wasn't even dating her- it was unrequited love. I understand the fact that Swan screwed him over for Cullen, but move on! I am aware of the fact that I should move on as well, but it's kind of hard when you share a mind link. Besides, I don't have anyone to comfort me in my time of need. Jackasses.

I don't see what Jacob saw in Swan. It was clear that she didn't like him as more than a friend. She was so addicted to Cullen, there was no way she'd date another guy, even if said guy was better. So after Cullen leaves Bella, Jacob decides to help her out. Make her whole again. I guess he always had a thing for Bella and his crush grew with the time they spent together. Maybe they wouldn't have gotten together if Swan and Cullen weren't "soul mates." But no, Cullen comes back and then it's all sparkles and butterflies and rainbows and unicorns! What the hell, Swan? What the hell. This guy screws you over and you go crawling back into his arms? I would have been thrilled if Sam asked to date me again( before he scarred Emily, of course.) After that, I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with him. I don't think I'd want anything to do with Sam now. I don't know if I want him back. I don't want to just take Sam back because that would make it seem like he could screw me over and get away with it. Yes, I know there's such a thing as forgiveness, but how do you know when to forgive and when not to? Is forgiveness always the best choice? I might forgive Sam and Emily in a million years, but that doesn't mean I'd talk to them again, or date Sam.

Basically, I don't know what I'd do if Sam asked to get back together with me. I don't think I'd want him back, but I'd at least tell him off. I'd also yell at Emily as well. Thanks to this stupid werewolf imprinting( which females don't have) couples are broken up. This was probably invented by some werewolf who loved this other girl, but he was dating someone and needed an excuse to dump her. But Cullen comes back after screwing Swan over, and she just takes him back, no questions asked. She doesn't even say "Fuck you Edward, I'm staying with Jacob after you screwed me over." No, she just goes right back to him, and everything's perfect again. She magically forgets the months she spent being all mopey and then Jacob helping her heal.

Now Jacob's all depressed because Swan screwed him over. Now I have to listen to his constant bitching. Okay, I did that too, but I had a valid reason. I'm going to have to kick someone's ass. I'm going to either kick Cullen's ass for being a moron and leaving Swan, Swan for being an idiot and taking back Edward, and Jacob for his constant whining. You know, I might just kill all three. Wait, that might not work. Killing Cullen and Swan would start a war, probably, and killing Jacob would just result in everyone hating me more and being banished from the pack. On second thought, being banished would be fine with me.

Cullen and Swan deserve each other; they're both whiny bitches. Cullen's always moaning about being a soulless monster(not that I disagree) and acting superior. Let's review. He's rich, has powers, immortal, can do whatever he wants, according to what I've heard he could get any girl he wanted if he dated, and everyone loves him. Swan has everyone wanting to kiss her ass, and falling over themselves to defend her. No one ever tells her off. She's like the bratty kid sister who could get away with anything. Remind me again- why are they whining? Sure, Swan had a few vampires after her, but the mean vampires are gone now, and she's going to marry Cullen and live in happy sparkle land! Just shut up, okay. Some of us have a valid reason to whine, but we get told off when we show dissatisfaction. Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm not a guy or Swan, therefore I have no right to be unhappy. I just wish everyone would see that the world doesn't revolve around Swan.

I'm sorry, did I sound like a bitter harpy? Too bad. If I'm going to be labeled, then I'll use the label, if only to spite people. Besides, I have every right to be upset and it's time people realize that. If people think Swan has problems(she gets whatever she wants) then I fear for humanity. To think, I'm suppose to be protecting people like Swan. Groan.


End file.
